Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she pinky promised me she was 18
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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