im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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