Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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