After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
