The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
