I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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