when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
