We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sorry about my life...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
