We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
