quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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