I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
