i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
