I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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