Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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