You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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