Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I CAN MOONWALK!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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