I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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