he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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