I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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