they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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