Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
