I wish I could punch you in the face.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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