She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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