had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
