I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i've created a new STD.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
