I hate your face
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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