I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
