So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
