Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
