It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
