I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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