you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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