im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
...so i touched it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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