I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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