sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
