before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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