And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize