I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
