i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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