that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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