when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
