he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
