The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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