Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
