my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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