i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
