i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
