She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
