Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
