70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
