thus making me awesome and them whores
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
where are my eyebrows?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
