this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
