explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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