Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
