I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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