You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He told me they were just razor bumps!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
