Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so let's talk penis.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
