I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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