Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize