Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
