3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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