Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
there is glitter all over my balls
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