He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
