I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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