So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
