We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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