you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
