And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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