I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
