A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize