you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
